The decorations are perfect, the presents look magical, and the entire family is smiling and relaxed. That’s how the holidays are portrayed in media and advertising, but it’s not the reality for families with special needs children.
The holidays often become trials for parents like us, marred by guilt, resentment and stress. They are something to “survive” or “manage”, with little enjoyment expected.
However, it doesn’t have to be that way. With planning, realistic expectations and a positive attitude, there are ways for families with special needs children to enjoy the holidays without pain. Here are some top suggestions for making the season bright :
Schedule Some Quiet Time
Having some peace and quiet with your child is more important than ever during the busy holiday season. Find a quiet corner and read a book with your child or create holiday pictures for grandma and grandpa. Take a walk outside in nature, away from noise and crowds and obligations as fresh air and exercise are essential for boosting mood and re-setting the spirit, which can alleviate holiday stress and anxiety in children. Make sure you schedule some time to get your child outside to run around and play.
Discuss Expectations with Family Before a Gathering
People may expect your child to sit, open presents, and thank people. Yet a child with special needs may be unable to sit that long, and they might not have the verbal skills to properly thank someone. If there will be any family members or friends at the gathering who are not familiar with your child’s abilities and needs, give them a head’s up beforehand so they will know what to expect. Teach them a few tricks to help soothe your child so the day of they are better able to help (and maybe even give you a break!).
Pack Familiar Items
When a child has something familiar with them they often feel more comfortable. If you are spending the night at a hotel or with family members, pack your child’s favourite blanket or stuffed animal. When it’s time to eat let them use their normal bowl or spoon so it feels more familiar to them. After all, inclusion is at its best when you are making your special needs child as comfortable as he or she can be.
Watch What They Are Eating
Another thing that can fall by the wayside amidst the holiday hubbub is healthy eating. And some people, both kids and adults, have some food triggers that can either bring on headaches, intestinal discomfort or behavior problems. Make sure you know what everyone is eating.
Try packing healthy snacks when you have to go shopping or run other holiday errands and try to minimize the number of sweet treats at home. Whenever possible, offer healthy snacks, such as air-popped popcorn or apple slices with cheese and crackers and limit cookies and candy to after-snack treats.
Avoid Crowds
Crowds are tough for many people, and for kids with special needs, they can be overwhelming. The chaos, noise of large crowds, and long lines will add stress to your life. Children who are overwhelmed are much more likely to melt down, misbehave, or simply freeze up.
Let The Children Participate
Let your children do one thing for the holiday that makes them feel proud. Kids can collect acorns or place a few jingle bells into a bowl for a beautiful, stress-free centrepiece. Children can fold the napkins or put the forks out. Let them draw a special picture to place on your guest’s chair. Be prepared to accept their participation as perfect and beautiful. Restrain from correcting or straightening out the napkins and enjoy the holidays with your special needs child!
Be Gentle With Yourself and Your Child
It’s normal to feel frustrated when a child with special needs doesn’t seem to “get” the holidays or appreciate all you do to make the season special. It can be equally hard to endure the stares and comments of well-meaning family and friends who just don’t understand why your child isn’t appropriately happy and engaged.
Get support when you need it. Maybe you really need to attend a carol sing, a support service, or a special party even if your child can’t or won’t. There’s nothing wrong with asking for a little respite care from friends or family so that you can have the experience you need to recharge and remember why the holidays are special.
A Word From Verywell
The holidays are always such a fun time for all, so we hope these tips help with your upcoming holiday plans! When planning for travel be sure to always let your therapist know so that they are able to help work on social stories, introduce new foods, and work on calming techniques.
We hope you have a wonderful holiday season!